As anyone (all ten of you) who reads this blog regularly knows, one of my favorite things to write about is the differences between my Asperger ways and perspectives and those of the neurotypicals in my life.
One NT saying I’ve never really understood is “just so we can say we’ve been there.” You know, like when people go to a tourist attraction, such as the Empire State Building, so they can come home and tell the other NT’s they went. I guess my perspective is, “Who gives a f*** if other people know I went to the top of the Empire State Building?” If I’m going to do something, I’m doing it for the experience itself, not for any potential vacation stories I may or may not tell. Why should I care if John and Jane Mouthbreather think it’s cool that I saw the Empire State Building? Every vacation or weekend road trip I’ve ever been on, some NT has declared that he or she wants to do something, “just so we can say we’ve been there”. Have people really become so dependent on the approval of others that experience and the chance to form memories have taken a back seat, or even been thrown out of the car altogether?
Another thing NT’s seem to take a lot of pride in is finishing each other’s sentences. They’ll beam with delight and foolish pride as they proclaim, “We can finish each other’s sentences.” Apparently forming a complete sentence on your own is for unlovable losers. When people try to finish my sentences for me, and they frequently do, it really pisses me right off. It’s just yet another behavioral difference between Aspergers and NT’s. To an Asperger, someone finishing a sentence for you suggests they think you need their help to form a coherent thought. To an NT, it’s a sign that you have some cosmic bond. Of course, the truth is probably somewhere in the middle, as it so often is.
NT’s are always really impressed by people with titles. I see this especially in my Masonic and Eastern Star activities. The NT’s speak in reverent tones about the Grand this or Most Worshipful that. To me, they’re all as full of s*** as anyone else is, including me. It’s almost like the NT’s believe that a few cool-sounding well placed titles lend some majesty to a human being. I’ve always said that I’d much rather be a title-less Mason who makes the world a better place than a guy with titles as long as your arm who just seeks more titles with an insatiable and ravenous appetite.
A lot of NT’s will continue to eat a certain food even though they know it will lead to a two hour stint in the bathroom. They always accompany this ill-advised decision with the statement, “I don’t care if it makes me sick, I’m gonna eat so and so tonight.” I find this astonishingly foolish. If you know that an unpleasant outcome is guaranteed, why follow through with the course of action? Being a life-long resident of central Georgia, collard greens is a food that comes to mind. There seems to be a insanely large number of people running around this part of the world who are willing to accept hours of ungodly stomach rebellion in exchange for ten minutes scarfing down a plate of collard greens. I just don’t get it.
I’m in a pretty good mood today, mostly because my New York Yankees have actually played good baseball the past couple of days. I still don’t get why Giambi is starting so much, but I’ve beat that dead horse plenty I guess. He is hitting so poorly that it seems like a day or two on the bench is warranted, but he’s still being put out on the field. Some managers, actually a lot of managers, have what us stat rats call “pets”. This means a player who gets to keep playing even though he’s hurtng the team, or at best, contributing very little, simply because the manager likes that player. Dusty Baker is one of history’s worst about having a few pets around, particularly with Neifi Perez and Paul Bako. Girardi seems to have bought Giambi a pretty collar and made him his pet. I think Giambi would have to burn down his manager’s house to be put on the bench, and that might not even do it. After all, sometimes pets take a dump on the rug, right?
My wife likes to tease me because I have the hots for Erin Esurance, pink-haired animated babe from the Esurance commericals. I’m sure you’ve all seen those commericals because hardly a commerical break goes by that Erin doesn’t strut her well-proportioned cartoon stuff. To be clear, yes I know it’s quite stupid and pathetic to crush on an animated chick. But dammit, I haven’t felt this way since Judy Jetson broke my heart when I was six 
Wonder if I should tell Cathy about that pink wig I got her to wear on my birthday…
Tags: animated hotties, asperger, asperger's, asperger's syndrome, autism, cartoon, cartoons, Cincinnati Reds, collard greens, collards, Dusty Baker, Eastern Star, empire state building, Erin Esurance, Georgia, Jason Giambi, Joe Girardi, Judy Jetson, Masonic, New York, new york yankees, pets, san francisco giants, stat rats, The Jetsons
