here’s a list of Asperger interpretations for many sayings of NT’s
“She’s got a great personality” means she’s really ugly, overweight, or stupid
“Gosh, it’s so nice to see you” means “we’re both in the same place at the same time and didja speak culture dictates I tell you it’s nice to see you.”
“How are you?” means “Please say fine because I don’t really care how you’re doing.”
“This dish tastes interesting” means “This dish tastes like s***.”
“You have a lovely home.” means “I’m mentally comparing your home to mine in hopes I can feel like I’m better than you.”
“I’ve slept with tons of women” means “I actually cry after sex but i want to sound badass.”
“That guy’s strange.” means “That guy doesn’t comform to our Southern norms and must be subtly punished over period of years.”
“I may not be a psychologist, but I am a mother…” means “I think the ability to procreate like any common tree sloth makes me somehow brilliant even though my kid starts fires while I pat myself on the back.”
“That guy’s smart.” means “That guy uses words with multiple syllables that a hick like me is unfamiliar with” and/or “I hate that guy because his intelligence dwarfs mine”.
“You gotta get right with Jesus.” means “I’m so arrogant and such a religious bigot that I assume that my choice of religion has an absolute monopoly on the truth.”
“My wife is nagging me.” means “I can’t believe my wife actually expects me to do the things I promised her I would do.”
“I want a small wedding.” means “I want a huge wedding that will cast a frustrating shadow over both of our lives for a year, and I expect you to know that without me saying it because my mind has become delusional from too many chick flicks and cheap romance novels.”
“I’m a social butterfly.” means “If other people don’t define me, I’ll be a word without meaning.”
“My preacher says…” means “I’m too simple-minded or just stupid to think for myself, so I let a guy who screams himself hoarse and cries in front of dozens of people do my heavy thinking for me.”
“Support the troops” means “If you’re against this war, I hope your hippie ass drops dead. Shock and awe! YEAH!!!”
“That’s a good idea, sir.” means “You’re a person who has more fancy titles than me, so you could say let’s roll around in pig s*** and I’d say it sounds like a good idea.”
“Not tonight, I have a headache.” means “You’re not going to climb all over me, do your nasty business for thirty seconds, and fall asleep leaving me to debate using the spin cycle on the washing machine to get off.”
“Your baby is so cute.” means “I wouldn’t tell you if your baby looked like something Scully and Mulder should be chasing on the X-Files, so I’m sticking with a meaningless generic compliment.”
“That guy’s a damn liberal fool” means “that guy doesn’t drive a pickup or own a gun.”
“Well, it’s getting late.” means “get the f*** out of my house, you mooching bastards.”
If anyone enjoys this, maybe I’ll do some more down the road.
Tags: agent mulder, agent scully, asperger, asperger's, asperger's syndrome, autism, X-Files
